Episode 5 - The Woman You've Been Missing

Nobody steals your identity all at once. It's a slow disappearing act and this episode is about going to find her. 👑

Episode 5: The Woman You've Been Missing Unsolicited Permission: The Crown-Fixing Mom Podcast with Emily

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The hobbies went first. Then your music. Then the photos - you're never in them, you're the one taking them. And then one day somebody asks "so, what do you like to do?"... and you have no idea.

In the final episode of July, Emily hands you permission to still be a whole person, and a one ten-minute challenge to go find the woman who you are outside of "mom".

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NEXT EPISODE: August brings a brand-new focus — for every mom whose life runs her instead of the other way around.

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Transcript

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Nobody steals your identity all at once. It's not dramatic. There's no moment where the woman you were packs a bag and just leaves. It's slower than that. Quieter. It's a slow disappearing act. First it's the hobbies. No time. Then it's the music you loved. Replaced by whatever keeps the kids quiet in the car. Then it's the photos. You're not in them anymore. You're the one taking them. And then one day somebody asks you a simple question. So, what do you like to do? And you have no idea. You know everyone else's favorites, everything. Favorite dinner, favorite show, favorite stuffed animal, including the one for backup emergencies. But your own blank. If that question just landed in your stomach like a rock, this episode is for you. Because today we're going looking for someone, the woman you've been missing. This is unsolicited permission. The podcast for moms who are done waiting for permission to take care of themselves. Because the only permission you've been waiting for is your own. I'm Emily. Every Tuesday I'll hand you one permission slip to become healthier, stronger, more confident, and to remember the woman you've always been. So take a deep breath, grab your coffee, and let's fix some crowns. Welcome back, mama. I'm glad you're here. All month long we've been releasing things. Old stories, the willpower lie, that was last week. And today for the last episode of July, we're releasing the biggest one of all. The belief that the woman you were before kids is gone. So here is this week's permission slip. You have permission to still be a whole person. Not so and so's mom. A person with a name, with a whole identity separate from your children, with passions that light her up that have nothing to do with anyone else in our house. She didn't disappear, mama. She's been waiting. Let's go get her. Let's first discuss how the disappearing act happened. Let's be honest, because it doesn't happen because you're weak. It happens because you love your children, because you love your family. Every trade you made was reasonable in the moment. Sleep for feedings? Reasonable. Hobbies for practices and appointments? Reasonable. Your needs moved to the bottom of the list because somebody littler needed you more. Reasonable. You have permission to still be a whole person. Not mom with a little person attached. A person with a name, with favorites, with things that light her up that have nothing to do with anyone else in her house. It all happened one reasonable trade at a time. Slowly we chipped away everything that made us us. We even have a pretty little word for it. Selfless. We say it like a compliment. She's so selfless. But listen to that word, mama. Really listen to it. Selfless. Less self. Selfless became less self. Less you. And nobody warned you that you could love your family with everything you have and still wake up one day feeling like a stranger in your own life. Running unempty, pouring from a cup nobody ever refills. Sound familiar? Now, here's where most advice gets it wrong. Well, the world tells you one of two stories. Story one, the woman is gone, motherhood changes you, accept it. Story two, get your pre-baby self back, like she's a body measurement. Both are lies. The woman you were before kids is not gone, and she's also not someone to go back to. Because you, right now, know things she never knew. You have survived things she couldn't have imagined. You love at a depth she hadn't discovered yet. You don't need to go back. You need to bring her forward, her curiosity, her laugh, the real one, not the polite one. The things she did just because they made her feel alive. Those aren't gone. They're just buried under a very long to-do list and piles of unfolded laundry. I want to tell you why this is true. Because I've lived the disappearan act. Single mom, two kids, graduate school, a business with multifacets of ideas and plans. Every ounce of me going to everyone else. Consistency was never my problem. I was completely consistent at putting myself dead last. And the way out for me didn't start with a diet or a gym plan. It started with the question: who was I before all of this? Little by little, I stopped waiting for permission to go find out. So what does this look like in real life? Because you don't have a weekend to go find yourself. You barely have a free 10 minutes. I mean, you probably haven't actually gone to the bathroom by yourself in years. But good news. 10 minutes is more than enough. Remembering who you are is not going to take a retreat in the mountains or a walk through the desert. It's going to be small and specific. It's playing your music in the car when you're alone instead of writing in silence because you forgot you're allowed to choose. It's answering what do you want for dinner with an actual answer. It's getting in the photo at the pool this summer instead of always taking it. It's 10 minutes with the thing you used to love. The book, the sketchpad, the playlist, the recipe. Not because it's productive, because it's yours. Here's the part I need you to hear as a mom. Because we can't help but see things through our kids. When you remember who you are, your kids don't get less of you. They get more. They get a mom who laughs the real laugh. They get a mom with a light on inside. And they learn by watching. Remember, they're always watching. That growing up and becoming a mom does not mean disappearing. That might be the most important thing your daughter ever learns from you. That might be the most important thing your son ever learned about what a woman is allowed to be. Okay, mama, this week's permission slip challenge. One thing. Specific, doable. Take 10 minutes this week and do one thing the before kids you loved. Not a hobby, not a self-improvement project. Something she loved and do not feel guilty about it. I want you to play her music loud, open the book, make the thing, sit outside with your coffee and do absolutely nothing if that was her thing. Ten minutes, one time, and while you're doing it, I want you to notice how it feels. Because that feeling, that's her saying, finally. And if you want accountability, come tell us in the Crown Club what your ten minutes was. Need some ideas? Just ask. We can help you find her and what she used to love. So here's your crown fixing moment, mama. You have spent years making sure nobody in your house goes missing. Permission slips signed, shoes found, everyone accounted for. Everyone except one. It's time to report her found. If this episode spoke to you, follow the show, and come join us in the free crown club on Facebook. Link is in the show notes. And next week, we're turning the page. August is a brand new month with a brand new focus. And if your life feels like it runs you instead of the other way around, you're going to want to be here. Remember, you never needed anyone else's permission. Only your own. Go become the woman you've been missing because your kids aren't watching perfection. They're watching courage. Until next Tuesday, keep fixing your crown. I'll see you then.